January 18, 2019
I was looking back on some memories on F
It was December 9. There was snow on the ground, which is extremely rare for this time of year in NC. Side note: I love snow. Like, its one of the best things in the world to me. My husband and I had just finished eating homemade waffles and drinking coffee and were settling down on the couch to completely veg out for the day.
I started scrolling through my Facebook memories for that day. From December 9,
Sometimes happy, sometimes sad or even confused. But always the right thing for me at the right time. Except…I couldn’t see any of it at the time. Let’s take a walk down memory lane for a minute.
December 9, 2009
Definitely not happy about being back in Raleigh today
…. I need a long vacation, and soon!
Sounds innocent enough, right? Except I was going through one of the most difficult times in my life. My husband that I now spend cozy snow days with snuggled up with a warm breakfast and a hot cup of coffee? He was only a boyfriend at the time. Actually, he wasn’t my boyfriend at all on December 9, 2009.
A couple of months earlier, after dating for 4 years, he decided that he needed time to be on his own. Our relationship had always been strong. We bonded and fell in love so quickly – we were talking marriage a couple of months in. So needless to say, a breakup 4 years into our relationship shook me to my core.
When I wrote that Facebook post, I was on my way back from visiting family for Thanksgiving. Headed back to Raleigh, where we both stayed after graduating college together. Headed back to the city that, at the time, was lonely, empty and a constant reminder of what I had lost and didn’t know if I’d ever get back.
To my surprise, when I returned home, there would be the first in a series of gifts waiting on my doorstep from my future husband. Gifts that symbolized our relationship and my (ex)boyfriend’s (now husband’s) desire for us to get back together.
December 9, 2010 (both a morning and evening post)
Just getting home, but we found *the* photographer…so excited!
Rob is the best fiance ever…he just got home from work, and is going back out in the cold to get me some more medicine and spicy food <3
You know how I was super sad and lonely a year before? Well, on December 9,
While our engagement can’t entirely be attributed to us breaking up a year prior, it does raise some other questions. Would we have truly appreciated each other as much as we do now had we not spent those few months apart? Is my husband more attentive to my needs because he knows what its like to not have me as a part of his life (and vice versa)? Would I know that I’m strong enough to handle a major life setback?
The previous year consisted of a season of waiting that I was unsure when it would end. But it did. And it made the good things that came after even sweeter.
December 9, 2011
No cute story to tell about a status update here. But I did update my profile picture to one of my bridal photos. I was a newlywed enjoying life. Had I told that to the version of me from December 9,
December 9, 2012
I am so thankful to have a job…but…I can’t wait until I’m able to have weekends off with the hubs. Getting up and leaving while he’s still sleeping seriously breaks my heart. Ok, I guess that’s enough my of first world problems.
When Rob and I first became engaged, we both worked retail. Abnormal schedules were our “normal.” Just before we were married, he changed jobs and got a more consistent schedule to go with it. However, I was working more than ever before, longer, more grueling days, and commuting further than when we lived in Raleigh.
It was a difficult time. I wasn’t lying when I said leaving for work while my husband slept in broke my heart. I remember pulling out of our apartment complex in tears. Our schedules were never in sync, I worked every weekend, and I just felt like I was at a breaking point.
Of course, what I couldn’t see at the time, was that by the end of the month I’d be in the final interview stages for a new job that meant big things for my career. I landed that job, and it taught me a whole lot about my career path and about the person I want (and don’t want) to be.
December 9, 2013
We were gearing up to celebrate our first Christmas in our first house together. Retail hours and apartment living were a thing of the past! Oh, and we both got holidays off for the first time. I remember being so incredibly appreciative that holiday season. Something that I still refuse to take for granted to this day.
December 9, 2015
On this day, I had posted a picture of an art installation at the hospital my husband’s father was in at the time. This was another extremely hard season of waiting. Unfortunately, it ended tragically, and we had to say goodbye the following month.
To lose my father in law was shocking, heartbreaking and surreal all at the same time for both my husband and I. It’s not something that just goes away. You just have to find the strength to continue on with your life. Needless to say, I was trying to make that December 9 positive, but it still ended full of sadness.
Sometimes, that’s just what happens. Life can be strange like that. There are certain situations that you just have to accept no matter how hard you work, how strong you pray or meditate, that life happens how it should. There are plenty of things you have no control over. The only thing you can control is your response. There is always a lesson to learn and always room for growth, even if it’s not in the ways you expected. Trust me.
December 9, 2016
The whole year leading up to this date had been hard. It was a year of firsts for my husband and his family without their loved one. Family members were stricken with health problems, including myself. You know the phrase “the straw that broke the camels back?” Every day I felt myself gasping for air underneath that straw, and I was just waiting for the final piece to take me down. It was like I was drowning in life.
December 9, 2017
I was decompressing, coming off of yet another difficult year. But I had made it through. I needed a change in my work life balance, in my health, in my self-perception (and even my perception in the world around me). I had just made a pretty big life change (more on that later). Of course, you don’t see the results of
I felt kind of lost, even though I knew I was on a path to somewhere better. The path wasn’t even visible, I just knew in my heart that it was taking me somewhere better than I had been before. I don’t think I’ve ever lived off the amount of faith that I had at that time. It was frightening, but refreshing. One of my favorite quotes that I have clung to over the past year is:
Faith & fear both demand you believe in something you cannot see. You choose!
Bob Proctor
December 9, 2018
Now we’ve come full circle. You already know how I spent my December 9, 2018. Even though it sounds like a perfect time in my life, you guessed it – I’m in a season of waiting again. That big life change I mentioned? I’m working towards fulfilling what I think is my next mission in life.
That day I spent alone with my husband on the couch? I so wish it was spent playing with my kids in the snow (read about my struggle with infertility here). However, I’ve finally realized how necessary it is to appreciate those times spent in waiting.
God is preparing me for something extraordinary right now. I’m just not ready yet. I’m finding my way there, and when I finally do, I’ll appreciate the journey just as much as the destination. That’s what I learned that day, scrolling through my Facebook memories. Sure it showed me how unpredictable life can be, but also how resilient I am.
On Christmas morning I awoke to a calm and still house with only one other person in it. My husband and I exchanged gifts with each other and ate our breakfast with no interruptions. I took my time getting ready before heading out to visit family.
As peaceful as that sounds and as much as I’ve learned from all of my December 9th posts, I still yearned for a chaotic morning spent rustling kids downstairs to see what Santa left them. To prepare and clean up breakfast for a family of more than just two adults. To have messy hair and stay in pajamas on the couch instead of taking my time
Appreciate what life is giving you right now! It’s a part of your whole life story.
I
So if you’re currently in a season of waiting, just know that someone else is there too. And acknowledge that someone else is waiting for what you currently have. I know that I’ll draw on that throughout 2019. Let me know below what you are currently waiting for!
Stay Dairing.
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Anonymous
love your letters, your articles like a smooth river.
A Dairing Life
Thank you!